Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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