when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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