What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
