I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
