Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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