I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
