i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
