if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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