Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
