I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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