People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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