she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
