You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
