So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize