So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
