Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
