it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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