everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
