I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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