hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
