just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
