You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just cropdusted the office
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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