Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize