I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
