She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
