Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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