Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
