oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
