In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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