I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's the barista slut.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
