she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
