Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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