I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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