I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
