In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
