It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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