I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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