I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
