she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize