Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
