There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
