This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
