...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
