Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
