New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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