We named our party play list daddy issues
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is Oprah even human
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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