Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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