conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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