he puts the penis in happiness.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
