four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
