good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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