sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
