do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
