my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
