I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
