I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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