I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
