Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize