Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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