also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
