I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
