I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
a search helicopter?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
