got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
