hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
