Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
