My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
