I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
