my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
