Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
