when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize