New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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