Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
