you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
