I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
