took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
