Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Randomize