a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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