And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
