im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize