guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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