He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
