I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
