If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
