Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
