...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
