Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
