If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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