just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
