did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
