i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
