There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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