We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize