the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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