Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
