I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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