I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
COCAINE IS GR8
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
