youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize