She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
