They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
