p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize