Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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