remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
