I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
