I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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