just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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