He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
