You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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