i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
