Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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