As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
