wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
