there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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