I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
