I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
not ubering you a puppy
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