Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
